A December blog

Oooh it's been an up 'n' down one recently!

I love Christmas generally,  but I just feel anxious about this one.

I want to spend it with my Mum cause we've spent it with my other half's family every year since we've been together and it feels kinda unfair but my days it's turning out to be stressful trying to do something else.

I'm trying to sort it with my Mum, despite her concerns over issues she has meaning she doesn't want to see anyone/anyone to see her or to leave the house, whilst my other half says his family are chasing him to confirm for 100% what we're doing with my Mum as they're saying it affects how much food they get...surely 2 people doesn't particularly change things?  So just stick with we're not coming there this year but if we do surely it's not a big deal?  The pressure is just really stressing me out. 😔  I wish things were easier.  I miss the days of Mum and Dad cooking and Nana and Gangan coming round!  I also wish Mum was still in a healthy position and could drive and was looking after herself and we could see her more.

Also this month...

I attempted my driving test and failed. I know it's not the end of the World and that most people fail the first time, but still pretty deflating (and expensive!).  It has made me feel more anxious about rebooking it too as I worry I'll just fail again, but I do just wanna get it passed now. Pleh.  A test came up this evening for next week, I was tempted, but I just don't know if I can handle the weight of that looming too right now...even though there's a weight anyway knowing I can't drive right now and want to get that passed, I guess that just doesn't feel quite as heavy as an immediate one of knowing I need to get practice in over Christmas for a test just after...

And worst of all, I lost one of my pets a few days ago, Buttercup, one of my bunnies. I'd had her a few months short of a decade.  Still have her sister who thankfully seems to be doing okay.

So yeah.

Stressed and a bit overwhelmed with things feeling like I don't have as much control of my life and things going on in it as I'd have liked as a 33 year old woman.

You know when you look around and compare yourself to others (I know I know comparison is the their of joy...) and think, wow, those people are in such a better place than me right now... which is dumb as a I know I am SO lucky with things I have and I should appreciate that I am in a better position in lots of aspect of my life to so many people in the World...yet as humans I think we just can't help it, we compare. We get sad.

Where are the answers?



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