In follow up to my last one, more hurt time in relation to the same topic... So back in 2020, when I'd just turned 31, I started feeling like I was less sure about whether I wanted kids or not, after 30 odd years of thinking I definitely didn't. He and I had a conversation about it where I said I was less sure about not wanting them, ie potentially may do at some point, and he said he felt the same so that was good. We both agreed though that there's an 'order' we'd like to do things and it'd be something to consider after getting engaged and being married. I said that I'm now in my 30s and as risks start increasing way more rapidly after 34, then maybe it should be a bit of a '5 year plan' (but less...) type deal as with an aim to be trying by at least 34. So, I thought after all this serious life talk, we may have been engaged within 12 months, ideally married in the following 12 months, and ready to start trying to start a family when I ...
Another personal journaling post so will be making this one private too. I find it helps to write and get things out though, I recommend it. At least it's less frequent that I'm feeling the need to write these I guess. Things just haven't turned out like I thought they would in life. Some things for the better, some have been disappointing and get me down because I hoped to be in certain places with my relationships. He's been struggling with his anxiety and feeling over-worked again saying 'yes' to too many work commitments, not sleeping well at all and not seeming himself and feeling down about comparing himself to others etc but I'm feeling the toll on myself too again :( A couple of nights ago we were watching a film and he randomly started asking me what sort of wedding I'd want and stating what he doesn't think he'd want, he's thinking he just wants something small etc, I was like "I don't know?! We're not even engaged...
Oooh it's been an up 'n' down one recently! I love Christmas generally, but I just feel anxious about this one. I want to spend it with my Mum cause we've spent it with my other half's family every year since we've been together and it feels kinda unfair but my days it's turning out to be stressful trying to do something else. I'm trying to sort it with my Mum, despite her concerns over issues she has meaning she doesn't want to see anyone/anyone to see her or to leave the house, whilst my other half says his family are chasing him to confirm for 100% what we're doing with my Mum as they're saying it affects how much food they get...surely 2 people doesn't particularly change things? So just stick with we're not coming there this year but if we do surely it's not a big deal? The pressure is just really stressing me out. 😔 I wish things were easier. I miss the days of Mum and Dad cooking and Nana and Gangan coming round! I a...
This turned out so beautifully! I like the little bit of yellow.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa :)
ReplyDelete